1. Selfie Toaster
Burn your face onto your toast every morning, even after loved ones ask you to stop.
This is real and you can buy it with money.
2. Say Cheese Instant Slicer
Quote: “Cutting cheese is one of the worst things you’ll ever have to do in the kitchen.” Not any more!
3. Polaroid Toilet Paper Holder
For the photographer whose love of Polaroid knows absolutely no bounds of taste or decency.
4. Print Your Polaroids Onto Toilet Paper (discontinued)
For the same person but somehow worse.
5. Nikon Nikkor Lens Alarm Clock
It’s worth clicking the play button a little way down this page to hear the alarm sound – a D4’s shutter tripping. Its irregularity will make you twitch.
6. Camera Ring Wedding Band
For a mere $329 (!) you can net yourself the least tasteful photographer wedding imagineable.
7. USB Camera Lens Humidifier
For combating dry skin, which the promotional material notes, “is a quite unpleasant problem not only for girls but men also.” Good to clear that up.
Seen any more good novelty photo products? Let us know on Twitter: @AP_Magazine