5 Photo Products with Amazingly Sarcastic Amazon Reviews

July 8, 2014

User reviews are a great feature of Amazon, right?

There’s nothing like the collected opinions of your peers in the photography world steering you towards a great camera, or warning you off a shoddy lens. It’s a beautiful system of mutual trust and respect on the part of the photographic buying community.

Of course, there are those who abuse this privilege. Here are some of the best.

1. ‘The lens reflected enough sunlight in one glance to disintegrate his eyes’

Price: $25,999

We included the Sigma 200-500mmm f/2.8 ultra-telephoto lens (and a few of its choice reviews) in our look at six completely ridiculous lenses.

This 16kg behemoth is described as the ‘ultimate wildlife lens’ and features a dedicated ‘attachment’ (their quotes) to aid focusing at the 1000mm telephoto end.

So what does the Amazon community make of it?

2. ‘An excellent paperweight or doorstopper’

Price: $25,000 (body-only)

The Leica S2 was built and marketed around its 37.5-million-pixel sensor – a pretty impressive count even now, and significantly more so when the camera was released back in 2008.

An extra few thousand dollars would net you this ‘P’ version, which has a fancy sapphire glass monitor screen and a ‘Platinum Service’ support package.

Pretty plush, right? Let’s see what Amazon thinks:

3. ‘Had to sell my house to buy this’

Price: $47,264.95

This bad boy, the Fujinon HA25X11.5BERD 11.5-288mm HD ENG-Style Lightweight Telephoto Zoom Lens with 2x Extender, is designed specifically for airborne and remote photography, and features a host of zoom modes. Fuji recommends using it in conjunction with gyro-stabilised platforms on aircraft, or for wildlife photography in remote areas.

The Amazon list price of $47,264.95 gives you a pretty sweet discount of $2,535.05 from the RRP, which is a win in anyone’s books. So you’d imagine the reviews would be pretty glowing, right?

4. ‘It also doesn’t fit in my pocket’

Price: $43,470.00 (with free shipping!)

Hasselblad combines its H5D-60 medium format DSLR and its 60-million pixels with an 80mm f/2.8 “Normal” lens (so-called because it replicates the perspective of a human eye) in this beast of a bundle.

There’s a wealth of serious image-making pedigree here, so no doubt Amazon’s illustrious reviewing community is going to stay respectful…

5. ‘This lens also doubles as a two-handed melee weapon’

Price: $17,896.95

Nikon’s intimidating 800mm f/5.6E FL ED VR AF-S NIKKOR prime lens is a marvel of engineering, it really is. Featuring a silent wave motor, vibration reduction and a 1.25x teleconverter that extends its focal reach to 1000mm, there are a fair few reason why it’ll cost you just shy of $18,000 to own one.

But let’s see what the experts think:

And bonus points for this:

Seen any we’ve missed? Let us know on Twitter: @AP_Magazine

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