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Not About Much For a good Few weeks from now

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by LesleySM, May 4, 2016.

  1. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member

    Carted Dave off to hospital tuesday- we got in there about 8.20 pm and I finally got home about 5.20 this morning then just couldn't sleep

    He's in the HDU (one step down from the ICU)

    I didn't get much sleep as you can imagine

    About 4 I got a call from a nurse called Louise who was very perky......"Hiya! I'm looking after Dave! Are you visiting him today?"

    Was about to explain I have had sod all sleep. still getting over flu and haven't eaten recently so was kinda hoping for a day off to reset as it were.

    "Thing is" she said "the vascular surgeon wants to do a treatment on his feet and he's totally against it. Thought maybe if you had a word... she'd like to discuss it with both of you anyway"

    "And by treatment?"

    "Amputation of his toes"

    Well I can't say I haven't been kinda expecting him to lose a few so I said I'd be round/ At least he's on the 4th floor so I could walk up although when I got to the ward it was "Bring me some water and take me to Dave in that order" (Remember I do not NOT do lifts)

    Then she fills me in- we are not talking a few toes-we are talking the lower half of both feet and even though the vascular surgeon is saying if he doesn't have the operation Dave may well die he is still refusing

    By this point I admit I was slightly pissed off. Less than 24 hours ago he wasn't even in hospital he's now on so many drugs and drips (which are working) and mostly asleep. I am so sleep deprived this morning as I was sitting on the loo I could see my knickers on the washing line waving at me. Just an hour or so ago I was thinking about not even visiting and now they want me to persuade him to undergo major surgery. At this moment I can barely walk straight and he's in no state to consent to anything more important than his menu choices for tomorrow (And needed help with those)

    Managed to get them to agree they would go on with the medical treatment for the time being. It might work it has before
  2. dream_police

    dream_police Well-Known Member

    Hope everything goes OK for you both Leslie. Must be tough for Dave, but I think it is easy to forget just how hard it is on partners etc.

    I'm sat here now waiting to pick mum up from the airport thinking about your knickers, so thanks for that.:)
  3. steveandthedogs

    steveandthedogs Well-Known Member

    An unpleasant decision either way. Good luck to you both.

  4. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member

    There's got to be a witty comeback to that but right now I can't think of one
  5. Benchista

    Benchista Which Tyler

    Can't really say anything except good luck!
  6. swanseadave

    swanseadave Well-Known Member

    My very best wishes for a good outcome Lesley.
  7. Brian

    Brian Venerable Elder

    Lesley, for what it's worth I will remember you and Dave in my prayers.
  8. AlexMonro

    AlexMonro Old Grand Part Deux

    Lesley, good luck to you both.
  9. Footloose

    Footloose Well-Known Member

    Stone the crows Leslie, you two have been having one a hell of a time over the past year or so! PM on it's way to you ...
  10. RogerMac

    RogerMac Well-Known Member

    Like others I can't think of anything to say except good luck and I hope all goes well, but I mean that most sincerely
  11. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member

    Thank you
  12. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member

    Today I finally managed to have a civil chat to a nurse and yes its looking like he will have to have amputations but
    1. His current medical condition means right now he can't have surgery
    2. They are going ahead with the medical treatment
    3 If only to get him ready for surgery
    4 Or maybe that will work

    The nurse said they understand right now he's not able to make a decision so we're looking at him getting well enough to discuss things better

    Compared to yesterday when we had the vascular team saying CHOP NOW OR DIE!!!!!

    I didn't visit today bad person I am! He's sleeping a lot right now and I needed a break- he's got a phone by his bedside and my mobile number so if he needed me he could call, I did the practical stuff like paying rent, buying loo roll, making some calls, eating, taking a delivery in
  13. 0lybacker

    0lybacker In the Stop Bath

    Awful situation, Lesley, and feel for you both.

    My good wishes and hopes for Dave's bit of the NHS to be at the top of their game. It does happen, they are brilliant on many occasions.

    Take care of yourself. Carers need to be kept going, too!
  14. PhilW

    PhilW Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you both
  15. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member


    Take care of yourself. Carers need to be kept going, too![/QUOTE]

    As I said when I left the ward today....."why is it all about him!"

    I could manage right now if someone would kindly strangle his mother. She calls I tell her I'm about to eat and have a nap she says "okay I'll not bother you again"

    Then calls back four times within the hour!
    Including a rant that the nurses can't be proper nurses as they aren't making sure he's always got a smart pair of pyjamas on at all
  16. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member

    Is it normal to suddenly have an attack of white hot rage aimed at Dave? Thankfully not on the ward obviously

    To feel bloody angry that he seems to be saying he'd sooner die than have amputaions? And leave me to pick the mess up!

    Funny enough he was a lot better today....I think he may have sensed I wasn't in the mood to be nice. It looks like there may be a second opinion and the new antibiotic they're trying him on seems to be working ,

    Put it this way he was moaning about the food etc, wishing he could have a beer moaning that he couldn't...

    Moaning for Dave is like a default setting i.e. it's normal
  17. steveandthedogs

    steveandthedogs Well-Known Member

    No, it's perfectly normal.

    You need time and space for yourself, which you obviously haven't been getting, now you have some space, there is a reaction setting in. I suspect part of it is also fear of the future and what it holds for both you and Dave, which is known to come out as anger. It's the same reaction people tend to suffer after bereavement. Try not to shout at Dave, but don't feel guilty about being angry. He's probably moaning as a defence mechanism.

    You need to care for yourself as well as Dave. Try to pamper yourself a bit while you have some time alone if you can. If you have any close friends locally, go and see them, talk to them, tell them how you feel.

    One thing, the anger is normal and won't last. Better to rant on here than bottle it up.

  18. Roger Hicks

    Roger Hicks Well-Known Member

    Dear Steve,

    I can only echo what you have just written, in the hope that it will be of some comfort to LesleySM.


  19. Mark101

    Mark101 Well-Known Member

    Hi Lesley,
    My heart really does go out to you and I know a bit about caring since I looked after parents as a full time carer for around 15 years, having given up my job. I could never see care homes as a solution to their problems.

    I'm just assuming you are registered as a carer with one of the LA's and you get support. I used to get respite care for them and always got a few hundred given to me, in additional to the state benefits, which I could spend on myself as a treat.

    I know it's not easy to stand back, but sometimes you have to just that, because without you being on top form you will eventually be too unwell to care anyway. Think of yourself too and take action that removes some of the pressure on a day to day basis.

    Thinking of you and hope things improve.
  20. swanseadave

    swanseadave Well-Known Member

    I also echo Steve`s excellent advice to Lesley.I`m in a similar situation with Ros` illness(lymphoma)

    Lesley,you need quality time to yourself.Find a good film to lose yourself in for a couple of hours.It works for me.But most of all look after yourself,making sure you get enough to eat.That`s important.
    Oh and try to get plenty of sleep.
    Hearing Dave speak of preferring to die echoes what Ros has said to me many a time.It`s so desperately hard to deal with.

    Thinking of you.

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