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Nonsense rhymes

Discussion in 'The Games Room' started by Dorset_Mike, Dec 14, 2010.

  1. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    Didn't see why I should suffer alone so thought I'd share these.

    thirty days hath septober,
    april, june and no wonder,
    all the rest have eggs for breakfast
    except grandma, she rides a bike.


    The Elephant is a Pretty Bird,
    It swings from bough to bough.
    It builds its nest in a Rhubard Tree,
    And whistles, like a cow.


    Starkle starkle little twink
    who the heck you are you think
    up above the world so high
    like a diamond in a goosegog pie


    I must go down to the sea again,
    to the lonely sea and the sky,
    I left my shoes and socks there,
    I wonder if they're dry?
    (Spike Milligan)


    There was a man who always wore, A saucepan on his head.
    I asked him what he did it for - 'I don't know why,' he said.
    'It always makes my ears so sore, I am a foolish man.
    I think I'll have to take it off and wear a frying pan.
  2. TheFatControlleR

    TheFatControlleR :Devil's Advocaat: Forum Admin

    Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
    How I wonder what you're at?
    Up above the world you fly,
    like a tea tray in the sky.
    Twinkle, twinkle, little bat.
    How I wonder what you're at!

    The Mad Hatter


    I went to the pictures tomorrow,
    and got a front seat at the back.
    A lady gave me some chocolate,
    which I ate and then gave her it back.
    I said to the lady behind me,
    "Would you mind removing your hat?"
    Then I fell from the Stalls to the Circle,
    and broke a front bone in me back!

  3. mediaman

    mediaman Well-Known Member

    One fine day, in the middle of the night,
    two dead men got up to fight
    back to back, the faced each other...
    then drew there swords and shot eack other.
  4. Kettering_Jeremy

    Kettering_Jeremy Well-Known Member

    As I was walking up the stair,
    I met a man who wasn't there,
    He wasn't there again today,
    Oh how I wish he'd go away.


    An ear passed by the other day,
    and quietly went upon its way;
    I wonder who that ear could be,
    and if it's ever heard of me?
  5. Jacqui Jay

    Jacqui Jay Grasshopper's Sage

    Not last night, but the night before
    Three young monkeys came to the door.
    One got in, one got out
    And one got hit with a bottle of stout
  6. taxor

    taxor Well-Known Member

    It was Christmas day in the workhouse,
    the snow was raining fast,
    a bare-footed boy with clogs on
    stood sittng on the grass............

    Couldn't remember the rest of it, but by way of compensation......

    There as a young man from Leeds,
    who swallowed a set of encyclopaedias,
    His mother said 'Ken, what have you done!'
    'They were for tea'.
  7. rhody247

    rhody247 Well-Known Member

    I've a gouse and harden in the country,
    An ace I call my plown,
    A treat I can replace to
    When I beed to knee alone.

    Catterfly and butter pillar,
    Lurch on beefy plough,
    And I listen to the dats and cogs
    As they mark and they biaow.

    Yes, Wature here is nunderful,
    There is no weed for nerds,
    As silling by my window flutter,
    Biny little turds
  8. AndyTake2

    AndyTake2 Well-Known Member

    Mary had a little lamb
    And the midwife fainted.

    Mary had a little lamb
    She also had a duck
    She locked them in the garden shed
    To see if they could escape.

    Mary had a little lamb
    and in the field it frollicked
    It tried to jump a barbed wire fence
    and tore off half it's fleece.

    Mary had a little lamb
    she tied it to a pylon
    Ten thousand volts went up its ar$e
    And turned its wool to nylon

    Mary had a little lamb
    but she got treatment and prefers not to talk about that little incident any more.
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2011
  9. cait

    cait Active Member

    Twas Christmas night in the workhouse
    The bugs were biting fast
    An old man with clogs on
    Went slowly whizzing past

    He turned a straight crooked corner
    And saw a dead donkey die
    He pulled out his gun to stab him
    And poked himself in the eye

    Hope that was nonsense enough! LOL
  10. Vodkaqueen

    Vodkaqueen Well-Known Member

    How to treat Grandma

    When Grandma visits you, my dears,
    Be good as you can be;
    Don't put hot waffles in her ears,
    Or beetles in her tea.

    Don't sew a pattern on her cheek
    With worsted or with silk;
    Don't call her naughty names in Greek,
    Or spray her face with milk.

    Don't drive a staple in her foot,
    Don't stick pins in her head;
    And, oh, I beg you, do not put
    Live embers in her bed.

    These things are not considered kind;
    The worry her, and tease -
    Such cruelty is not refined
    It always fails to please.

    Be good to Grandma, little chaps,
    Whatever else you do;
    And then she'll grow to be - perhaps -
    More tolerant of you.


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