vulgearity: t-shirt sporting an obscene slogan

 

forepray: hoping to get lucky

 

colostonmy: missing bag.

 

fleasability: Star performers at Professor Scratchem's Flea Circus.

 

sparanoia: an irrational fear of little brown birds

 

geriatrick: Paul Daniels eating his toupee.

 

dodorant: smelling like an old bird

 

indaigestion: just can't stomach the Welsh

 

Indiagestion the result of too many curries?

 

lassitune: song about an Indian yoghurt drink

 

Lassietude a sheepdog with an attitude

 

doggeret: cross between a ferret and a dog (probably a Chihuahua)

 

fidolatry: worship of a false dog by dyslexics

 

clandestink: not owning up to having dropped one.

 

crustasean: Irishman with a very thick skin

 

daitribe: That's the Welsh for you - always moaning about something or other, usually the English. (And here's where I go to ground for a week or so)

 

crustfallen: how you feel when glancing down from the breakfast table to find, inevitably, that the toast which slipped from your fingers has landed buttered side down.

 

blunderbust: Anne Widdicombe assumes command

 

megaphoney: politician with loud voice

 

cringe benefit:a brown nosing bonus