A little girl complained to her father, “Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!” Trying to be funny, her father joked, “But, honey, you already have a sister.” Confused, the toddler asked, “I do?” “Sure,” her dad said, smiling. “You don’t see her because every time you come in the front door; she scoots out the back door.” The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, “You mean just like my other daddy?!”
While in the pool on holiday, this woman from Newcastle start chatting and getting very friendly. I said "Are you flirting?" She replied "No, I've got one foot on the bottom".
After my recent prostate exam, which, I must say, was the most thorough I've ever had, the doctor left and the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear. . She said... . "Who was that guy?"
An unintentional joke. One I just saw on FB. Made me smile. How crazy can you get with descriptions! Aylesbury Pekin cross duck from Devon.
This year I've got an Eton advent calendar. It's like a normal one except my family's contacts open the doors for me.
My girlfriend has just left me, probably because of my constant insecurities. Wait, no, she's back! Just made some tea.
Went to the opticians yesterday told him I keep seeing closed pubs and people wearing face masks! He said I've got 2020 vision.
A man has gone to A&E after a bizarre sex game went wrong leaving him with 6 toy horses stuck up his bum. Doctors have described his condition as stable
If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
I've always counted it as second, don't think anybody could stand 3. Anyway as I am in second childhood you won't be surprised if I admit to playing trains, just recently started a new layout, N gauge (1:148 scale) hand/eye coordination is deteriorating, but I don't have the space for a larger scale!
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember ... Don’t sing!
