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Jokes

Discussion in 'The Games Room' started by mediaman, Jan 22, 2013.

  1. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    A little girl complained to her father, “Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!” Trying to be funny, her father joked, “But, honey, you already have a sister.” Confused, the toddler asked, “I do?” “Sure,” her dad said, smiling. “You don’t see her because every time you come in the front door; she scoots out the back door.” The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, “You mean just like my other daddy?!”
     
    Catriona likes this.
  2. DaveM399

    DaveM399 Well-Known Member

    While in the pool on holiday, this woman from Newcastle start chatting and getting very friendly.

    I said "Are you flirting?"

    She replied "No, I've got one foot on the bottom".
     
    Zou, MJB and beatnik69 like this.
  3. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    After my recent prostate exam, which, I must say, was the most thorough I've ever had, the doctor left and the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear.

    .
    She said...

    .

    "Who was that guy?"
     
    dream_police, Zou and Petrochemist like this.
  4. Catriona

    Catriona Well-Known Member

    An unintentional joke. One I just saw on FB.
    Made me smile. How crazy can you get with descriptions!

    Aylesbury Pekin cross duck from Devon.
     
  5. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    This year I've got an Eton advent calendar. It's like a normal one except my family's contacts open the doors for me.
     
    Geren, DaveM399, Petrochemist and 2 others like this.
  6. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    My girlfriend has just left me, probably because of my constant insecurities. :(

    Wait, no, she's back! Just made some tea.
     
  7. Catriona

    Catriona Well-Known Member

    Aw!
     
  8. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    Something wrong with your keyboard, the 'ful' is missing.
     
    dream_police and Catriona like this.
  9. Catriona

    Catriona Well-Known Member

    No! fully familiar is missing. ;)
     
  10. daft_biker

    daft_biker Action Man!

    Went to the opticians yesterday told him I keep seeing closed pubs and people wearing face masks!
    He said I've got 2020 vision.
     
    Geren, dream_police and Catriona like this.
  11. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    A man has gone to A&E after a bizarre sex game went
    wrong leaving him with 6 toy horses stuck up his bum.
    Doctors have described his condition as stable
     
    mediaman, daft_biker, Geren and 3 others like this.
  12. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
     
    mediaman and Geren like this.
  13. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    When I was a kid I wanted to be older ... this is not what I expected.
     
    Catriona and Geren like this.
  14. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    Why are people asking about my talking Great Dane? I haven't got a Scooby...
     
    MJB likes this.
  15. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel,
    how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
     
  16. Geren

    Geren Well-Known Member

    Yesterday’s purple frog song braided into a mile of icing sugar.
     
    Dorset_Mike likes this.
  17. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
     
  18. GeoffR

    GeoffR Well-Known Member

    Second childhood Mike, or is it third?
     
  19. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    I've always counted it as second, don't think anybody could stand 3. Anyway as I am in second childhood you won't be surprised if I admit to playing trains, just recently started a new layout, N gauge (1:148 scale) hand/eye coordination is deteriorating, but I don't have the space for a larger scale!
     
    Geren likes this.
  20. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to

    slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So

    remember ... Don’t sing!
     
    mediaman and Geren like this.

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