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Garbage titles these days

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Stephen Rundle, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. Stephen Rundle

    Stephen Rundle In the Stop Bath

    Whilst we have been looking for a new car I have found so much c**p lately that people "title" themselves.

    Customer liaison officer, customer retail consultant, Customer product consultant "sales person"
    Visual storyteller "person who takes photographs"
    Integrated accounts handler "Invoice clerk"
    Showroom consultant "salesman/woman"

    I am supposedly a "Product orientated vendee"

  2. Chester AP

    Chester AP Well-Known Member

    Most of these terms are forced on the people who have to suffer them by their employers, in the belief that they will feel valued.
    When working as a 'legal cashier' (an accurate title in use for many years) for a small form of solicitors, I was offered business cards with the description 'legal accounts executive', and I told my employer that I would be embarrassed to give one to anybody unless my salary was greatly increased to match the status misleadingly implied by the new title. The card idea was dropped...

    But what if the new titles were accurate too? Such as 'rapid depreciation victim' instead of 'product orientated vendee'?
  3. Jeff Farkas

    Jeff Farkas Well-Known Member

    Oh lord.. I was once a "Senior information systems specialist'.. yup.. LOL :cool:
  4. retrofit

    retrofit Well-Known Member

    I think Arnold Clark uses the title product genius to show you how the ICE and dash display works.
  5. Stephen Rundle

    Stephen Rundle In the Stop Bath

    I used to be a Senior Contracts and Purchasing officer for a hospital, in other words a SCAPO !... "a buyer" :) just a better paid one

    Business cards looked great S Rundle, SCAPO

    Like Rodney (fools and horses) has a Diploma In Computing ;)

    And Dell has Trotters Independent Traders :)

    Or web addresses http://www.citymaxblog.com/top-50-crappiest-domain-names-purchased/1240/

    • penisland.net – Pen Island
    • sydneytherapist.com – Sydney Therapist
    • mammotherection.com – Construction Company
    • kidsexchange.net – Kids Exchange
    • bigalsonline.com – Big Als Online
    • webone.com.au – Web One
    • choosespain.com – Choose Spain
    • bendover.com – Ben Dover
    • bitefartcafe.rs – Bitef Art Cafe
    • partnerstalking.com.au – Partners Talking
    • whorepresents.com – Who Represents
    • expertsexchange.com – Experts Exchange
    • nobraces.com.au – No Braces
    • wintersexpress.com – Winters Express
    • gotahoe.com – Go Tahoe
    • therapistfinder.com – Therapist Finder
    • powergenitalia.com – Power Gen Italia
    • molestationnursery.com – Mole Station Nursery
    • ipanywhere.com – Internet Protocol Anywhere
    • speedofart.com – Speed of Art
    • dicksonweb.com – Dickson Web
    • viagrafix.com – Via Grafix (renamed to Learn2)
    • nycanal.com – New York Canal Region
    • mofo.com – Morrison & Foerster, LLC
    • michaeljacksonsthisisitmoviemerchandise.com – really?
    • dicksonweb.com – Dickson’s Temperature Instruments
    • teacherstalk.com – Teachers Talk
    • auctionshit.com – Auctions Hit
    • butthatsnotall.co.nz – But That’s Not All
    • childrenswear.co.uk – Childrens Wear
    • ihavegas.com – IHA Vegas Holiday Rentals
    • machome.com – Mac Home
    • oddsextractor.com – Odds Extractor
    • alterscrap.com – Alter Scrap
    • ladrape.co.uk – La Drape
    • llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.com – an actual Welsh town
    • gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle.com – a spinoff of the famous search engine
    • 1hourscrap.com – Rapid scrapbook making
    • swissbit.ch – Germany-based Swissbit
    • 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592.com – Pi
    • pedo.org – An actual dentist organization
    neilt3, Learning and LesleySM like this.
  6. LesleySM

    LesleySM Well-Known Member

    Many years ago the Trust I worked for set out 5 key words as Trust core values they spent a lot of money on branding consultant then once they'd done probably even more on replacing all the stationery etc.

    Couple of months later we had the Xmas breakfast thingy which involved a quiz and the service manager said "Do any of you name the 5 core values?"

    And I stood up and said "Care, Respect, Achievement, Pride, Innovation"

    I was spot on and then her face fell....All these consultants etc had never realised the easiest way to remember all five was just think "crapi"
    neilt3 likes this.
  7. dangie

    dangie Senior Knobhead

    When I began working in the Power Industry we had a 'Personnel Manager'
    When the Power Industry was privatised the position overnight turned into a 'Human Resources Director' (with much higher salary for the same job).
  8. gray1720

    gray1720 Well-Known Member

    It gets a bit more confusing further up the pile, but when I took my current job for the very first time ever in my career, my job title was plain and simple


    Never, ever, called that in academia (definition: a place that can go autofornicate). It meant a lot!
  9. RovingMike

    RovingMike Crucifixion's a doddle...

    My company proliferates titles to make either the people themselves, or the clients they handle, sound more important. Titles seem to be a cornerstone of job satisfaction for many.

    With an American parent (IPG), it is also something they are masters of. Many years ago, in the early days of laptops, we had a statistician who invented a programme he called his Interpublic Pomposity Generator. It basically sorted a lot of titles like corporate, senior, deputy, president, vice, executive, integration, regional, managing, etc into intriguing combinations and ran forever until stopped.

    I always though I was only a Senior VP, but when I asked for a redundancy deal in the present emergency, HR dept wrote to me as Exec VP. I guess they should know, but I'm sure I'd have been immensely proud if someone had told me at some point. Seems to be how I'm listed in lots of places.
  10. John Farrell

    John Farrell Well-Known Member

    Back in the day, I was a production manager for a small electronics company, or , as one of my 6 workers called me, Prod Man!
  11. MickLL

    MickLL In the Stop Bath

    Very many years ago I applied for, and eventually was appointed to, a position with a large US company. During one of the interviews I was told that, "you could expect to be appointed to Vice President within a few months". I asked for an explanation and when I got it I couldn't help starting to laugh at the absurdity of the whole title structure. The interviewer (who later became a close friend) told me that, "people would kill for these titles".
    A few months later , when I was appointed Vice President, my staff insisted, absolutely insisted, on a big party to 'celebrate'. Nothing I could say deflected them and they seemed genuinely happy that I'd 'made it'. Quite crazy but it taught me not to undervalue some of the mores of organisations.

  12. AndyTake2

    AndyTake2 Well-Known Member

    Some people have too much time on their hands.
    If it isn't people it's other stuff.
    Many years ago whilst on a YTS/YOP scheme in IT, we toured Dow Chemicals to see their IT infrastructure - they were showing how information went from their Kings Lynn base to Europe and then back to the printer etc.
    Continuing the tour we passed several areas - then the guide sneered and said 'that's the thermal oxidiser...that's a furnace to everyone else:p!)

    When I got a job in IT security, my title was Helpdesk Manager.
    The helpdesk consisted of me...
    Stephen Rundle likes this.
  13. RobertCoombes

    RobertCoombes Well-Known Member

    A title cost an employer less than a rise.
  14. Craig20264

    Craig20264 Well-Known Member

    I've had several wonderful sounding job descriptions over the years, but I always return back to earth when I walk through the front door. I'm known as 'Oi!' at home. :)
    AndyTake2 and gray1720 like this.
  15. dangie

    dangie Senior Knobhead

    Always good to have someone keep your feet on the ground :)
  16. SqueamishOssifrage

    SqueamishOssifrage Well-Known Member

    Yeah - a cattle prod is a real good way the keep production up! :eek::D
    John Farrell likes this.

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