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Jokes

Discussion in 'The Games Room' started by mediaman, Jan 22, 2013.

  1. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    An elderly snake went to the doctor and told him: “Doc, my eyesight is so bad, I can’t see to hunt any more. I think I need a pair of glasses.”

    So the doctor fixed the snake up with a pair of glasses and told him to come back if he still couldn’t manage.

    Two weeks later, the snake was back in the doctor’s office. “I’m depressed,” he complained.

    “Why, what’s the problem?” asked the doctor. “Haven’t the glasses helped?”

    “The glasses are fine,” sighed the snake. “But I’ve discovered that I’ve been living with a garden hose for the past three years.”
     
    peterba, mediaman and Zou like this.
  2. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    I discreetly resigned from my set-making job; I didn't want to make a scene...
     
    peterba likes this.
  3. Dorset_Mike

    Dorset_Mike Grumpy Old Fart

    A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.” “Nah,” she says, “that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”
     
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  4. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    My wife has been to IKEA six times this week. I suspect stock home syndrome.
     
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  5. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    People who cannot distinguish the difference between entomology and etymology bug me in ways I can't put into words.
    :D
     
    peterba likes this.
  6. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    I'm in a bit of a bind... Need a good GDPR adviser urgently. Mate said he knew one but couldn't give me their email address. :eek:
     
  7. dream_police

    dream_police Well-Known Member

    As a kid I was made to walk the plank.

    We couldn't afford a dog.
     
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  8. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    Its bark worse than its bite?
     
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  9. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    My boss has announced he'll sack the employee with worst posture. I've a hunch it'll be me.
     
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  10. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

    Chicken sees a salad.


    I know it's old, and awful, but aren't we all? :oops:
     
    mediaman and dream_police like this.
  11. MJB

    MJB Well-Known Member

    Do you know a good GDPR consultant?

    Yes.

    Great! Could you give me his email address?

    No.
     

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