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Jokes that ony work with a Yorkshire accent

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ermintrude, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. ermintrude

    ermintrude Hinkypuff

    Barnsley man goes to the vet:
    Man: "Can yer stop me cat peein' all rahnd t'house?"
    Vet: "Is it a tom?"
    Man: "Nor, it's in t'basket"

    Bloke wakes up wi' a sore arse and goes to t'chemist...

    Man: "As tha' gorrany arse cream?"
    Chemist: "aye wots tha' want - a 99 or a cornetto?"
  2. willie45

    willie45 Well-Known Member

    LOL :D :D

    A bit like the Glaswegian in a phone box and he can't make a call so he calls the operator.

    She says: "Is there money in the box"

    He says: "No I'm here by myself"

  3. IvorETower

    IvorETower Little Buttercup

    I think that should be
    "Is there any money in the box?"

    ...and as to the first "joke" in the thread, I seem to recall it being told by Morecambe and Wise a long, long time ago
  4. Hotblack

    Hotblack Dead Horse Flogger

    Then there's jokes that only really work spoken and not written down, viz.

    Two nuns in a bath. One says 'Where's the soap?'
    and the other nun says 'It does, doesn't it'.
  5. ermintrude

    ermintrude Hinkypuff

    "Money" comes out like Mini/Meni, like "Many".
    "Is there Many in the Box?"
    "Naw, jes' me".
  6. gray1720

    gray1720 Well-Known Member

    Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can buy their product online. It's called....

    wait for it....


  7. willie45

    willie45 Well-Known Member

    I think that should be
    "Is there any money in the box?"


    The wording is correct. In Glasgow speak the word "many" is prounounced "munny" as is the word "money"

  8. IvorETower

    IvorETower Little Buttercup

    Ah, I see now.......
  9. TheFatControlleR

    TheFatControlleR :Devil's Advocaat: Forum Admin

    Or the Brummie musician in the tailors getting measured up for a 70s cut suit.

    As the assistant measures him up another presents a selection of shirts to go with the suit.

    The second assistant then asks, "Would you like a Kipper tie?".

    The musician replies, "Yes please. Milk, no sugar".

  10. willie45

    willie45 Well-Known Member

    :D :D :D :D :D

  11. TheFatControlleR

    TheFatControlleR :Devil's Advocaat: Forum Admin

    A Yorkshireman's wife passes away. He decides to have the words 'She Were Thine' engraved on her headstone.

    The widower calls the mason, tells him what he wants, and then goes to see the stone a few days later.

    He takes one look and sees the mason has engraved 'She Were Thin'.

    The old fella goes off. 'The f****** 'e' missing! Where's the f****** 'e'? Tha's left the f****** 'e' out lad!"

    The mason apologises profusely, and assures the old boy it'll be right on the day.

    Day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church, head out to the graveyard for the internment. There, in the glow of the winter sun, is the pristine headstone. Upon it inscribed;

    'Eeh, She Were Thin'.
  12. TheFatControlleR

    TheFatControlleR :Devil's Advocaat: Forum Admin

    Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?"

    The goldsmith says he can, then asks, "Do you want it eighteen carat?"

    "Nay lad, gnawin' a bone'll do fine."

  13. willie45

    willie45 Well-Known Member

    Quality stuff there. Love it especially the last one :) :) :D :D

  14. willie45

    willie45 Well-Known Member

    Glaswegian walks into a cake shop and looking at an item, says: "Is that a cake or a meringue?" ( Geddit?)

    Whats the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

    Bing sings but Walt Disney.

    Sorry :eek: :eek:

  15. Zou

    Zou Well-Known Member

    A Glaswegian takes a seat at a barbers. "Comfy?" asks the barber.

    "Govan." he replies.
  16. Bone_Idle

    Bone_Idle Well-Known Member

    Two Lancastrians stop outside a shop window, one point's in and says "Thar's t'one I'd get!" - so a Cyclops comes out and punches him!
  17. Mojo_66

    Mojo_66 Well-Known Member

    Love it! :D

    Though I think eighteen carat is more Brummie ;)
  18. Benchista

    Benchista Which Tyler

    A tourist in Lancashire sees a man bent over a sheep.
    "Are you shearing?" asks the tourist.
    The Lancastrian replies "No, get your own, there's one over there."
  19. Barney

    Barney Well-Known Member

    A Yorkshire aerobics instructor said to his class "Hands on thighs" so they all did. None of them could see a thing.
  20. Oggy

    Oggy RIP


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